Introducing a character

Look at the following description of a man from the opening paragraph to a narrative. Select what you feel are the most appropriate words from the box to make the most effective description.

When you have decided on your final version, click on the example response.

The scruffy man stood very close to the counter. His unshaven face and torn trousers attracted my undivided attention. He acted suspiciously, looking around at the other people in the shop. His hidden hands were thrust into the deep pockets of his long blackcoat that had clearly seen better days. His thin and sunken face turned to the delicious food on display, and his tired eyes caressed the gorgeous cakes and pastries. I looked at his feet and saw that his broken and battered shoes had walked many a mile. I felt sorry for the hungry man but I just passed him on my way to work while he still gazed longingly at the enticing food. It was a terrible thing to do – I should have helped that poor man. How was I to know that we would meet again?
The scruffy man stood very close to the counter. His unshaven face and torn trousers attracted my undivided attention. He acted suspiciously, looking around at the other people in the shop. His hidden hands were thrust into the deep pockets of his long black coat that had clearly seen better days. His thin and sunken face turned to the delicious food on display, and his tired eyes caressed the gorgeous cakes and pastries. I looked at his feet and saw that his broken and battered shoes had walked many a mile. I felt sorry for the hungry man but I just passed him by while he still gazed longingly at the enticing food. It was a terrible thing to do – I should have helped that poor man. How was I to know that we would meet again?

Introducing a character

Now think of alternative words that would have worked just as appropriately and type them in the passage below.

The man stood very close to the counter. His face and trousers attracted my attention. He acted suspiciously, looking around at the other people in the shop. His hands were thrust into the pockets of his coat that had clearly seen days. His and face turned to the food on display, and his eyes caressed the cakes and pastries. I looked at his feet and saw that his and shoes had walked many a mile. I felt sorry for the man but I just passed him on my way to work while he still gazed longingly at the food. It was a thing to do – I should have helped that man. How was I to know that we would meet again?

Introducing a character

Write introductory paragraphs with a focus on one character using one of the following ideas:

1. A woman standing at the grave of a young child.

2. A young soldier boarding a transport plane on the way to a first conflict.

1.

The woman was standing some distance away from me but I could see that she was sad and alone. The pain in her pale face became clearer as I approached the grave by which she stood. She had recently been crying, the dark stains under her eyes made it obvious. She made no attempt to hide them and seemed to be oblivious of my presence in that secluded place. She was in her own private world. The gravestone bore the name of a child. Its sorrowful mother placed her small bunch of bright flowers at the foot of the white stone, carefully stood for a moment of reflection and walked slowly away.

2.

The smartly uniformed soldier stood waiting at the entrance to the aircraft. The cheery and smiling face hid the real feelings that were tearing him apart inside. He was fully equipped for war, a trained soldier ready to carry out orders and do his professional duty. Looking back to the family he was leaving behind, he waved and smiled. His shining boots and heavy kit bag weighed him down but they were not as heavy as his heart, knowing what he would probably have to do. He climbed up the steep ramp into the body of the aircraft and disappeared. As the plane lifted from the ground, he felt his spirit left behind momentarily, still in the arms of family, still safe and secure.